A letter to Sose and Allen:

Its been almost a month that they've been gone it's so hard to believe. I know no one would even read this, but I feel like I need to write this at least for me.

Dear Sose and Allen:

   It's indescribale of how much I miss you two. I know we weren't super close but I felt we had a little connection. Like a little YC bond. I wish I could have been there to say goodbye. I wish I could have been there to share the last memories with you two. You two were such amazing people. It's hard to believe that you two are actually gone.
 Tonight I was going through my old emails in my gmail account, the one that you convinced me to make Sose so that we can gchat. You and you're gchat. It had all our short but interesting convos saved. There was one part of a convo that particularly put a smile on my face when i reread it. It was about the long yc meeting we had when you and allen had to sit outside so we can give our little critique about the tivan, and leader.

"Sose: as allen would say my stomach was cold inside

12:52 PM me: lol allen says that?

 Sose: ya weeeiirrdddooo

 me: loool yup yup :) awkward ulcer"

 Allen, what can I say, you were a special person. You always put a smile on my face, with your crazy sayings and all. Definitely made Youth Corps a great experience. Through all the drama, tears and smiles, I would never have traded it for anything else. You were an amazing leader not only becuase you could make us laugh, but because you stood up for us in Armenia at times. Like at the bus station when the guy cut me, or some other time I frankly cant remember right now. But one thing that I definitely could never forget, one night you said, "This isn't a democracy, it's a dictatorship, and I am the dictator" I dont know why but remembering you say that puts a smile on my face. You were always so dramatic and over the top.
 You two, alone were awesome, but together, you two were amazing. You two were soulmates. The love that you two had for each other, everyone could see. How Allen loved you Sose,  its very rare to see two young people in love with each other the way you two did. You two were meant for each other. I only hope to one day find my "Allen" per say.
 This, this is only a snipet of what I want to say, I am thankful that I had the honor of knowing you both, working with you both, and making memories with you both. I hope you both are happy up there and are watching down on all of us and are proud of what we do with AYF and YC.
 And Sose, I want to thank you for picking up YC and making it what it is today, and giving me the chance to have such an amazing experience, and opening up my eyes to the truth of Armenia, but still having a love with all the good and bad of Armenia. Also, for giving me friends that turned into family. Nothing Can ever take that away.

Sincerely,
Rita
Miss you both greatly. May your souls live on through us.

2013: Lets make it our year

I know I'm a little late on doing a blog for the "new year" but hey at least we're still in January. :D

Every year we always say this is our year this year is going to be the year, but we never do anything to make it our year. After the past couple years of my life going downhill (or however downhill a 21 year old's life can go [no not drugs wise]) I figured only good can come of this. This year I'm going to make it MY year.

First thing? I figured, I want to lose weight. I want to be healthier. I need to do right for my body after all this years. So what did I come up with? Resolutions. Not just your typical, lose weight get a job or whatever resolution. But I made a resolution on HOW I'm going to do it.

1) Lose weight. How? No I'm not on a diet, I made a lifestyle change, I turned vegetarian, and I'm trying to also cut out the bad snacks for me. Hit the gym everyday (well its been hard right now since im on vacation and dont really have access to go whenever i want). As well as give up soda.

  -Only 20 days in to my new lifestyle change and I'm loving it. I don't miss meat, I don't miss junk food, (its been exactly three months now with no Mcdonalds, though i admit i still eat Chipotle but i haven't eaten it much especially cause of the vacay) and last but not least I don't miss soda. I also love being vegetarian because i see myself eating less than I used to and being content with what I am eating. I don't feel disgusting after.

2) Try new things I never would have. How? Food-wise especially is the biggest for me. I'm very picky when it comes to my food, I mean i LOVE my food or else I wouldn't be this big fat thing that I am today. If it looks unappetizing I wouldn't have tried it, but so far I've tried Ethiopian food (which looked like regurgitated food), I've tried different kinds of vegan dishes (but note I'm ONLY vegetarian), lol.

3) Be adventurous: How? This one goes with one and two, but i tried snowboarding for the first time! (even though I tried skiing when i was like 5 but they were totally different) It was amazing! I totally loved it. I also went to my first Drag Queen show last night with my brother and his girlfriend, and WOW was it an amazing experience. Also when I get back home, I want to do things I never would have done. Go Hiking, rock climbing and all that fun stuff!

4) Find a job. How? I've been on a mad job hunt while on vacation but it's really hard, and what I've figured, i'll hopefully be done with my cosmetology class by April and get my license hopefully by July, in which then I can try and find a job as an assistant. But for now I'm just trying to find a job as a receptionist.

but the most important resolution of all.

5) I WANT TO FIND MYSELF. Now this I cannot explain how I'm going to do this because I myself do not know how I will do this. But this one is the one I'm not going to rush. I hope maybe I can find the courage to find God as well while trying to find myself. Learn to love myself more and gain the confidence that I should have.

Like I said, 2013 is going to be my year. I'm not going to let anyone bring me down this year. No Drama and no let downs. And I hope everyone does the same. It's time for us to stop pitying ourselves and to start doing right by us. After all, we are born alone and we are going to die alone, so why not learn to love ourselves and be happy with ourselves? Let's not live the life for others but for ourselves.

The L word...

Ok, so what i have noticed lately is that everyone throws the L word around like its nothing. Call me old fashion but i think that word is such a strong word and should be only said when you mean it...and YOU KNOW ITS TRUE.

I mean i see all over my facebook that these guys or girls, get in a relationship and not even a week has passed they post statuses about how much they "love" the other half and how they are so amazing yadda yadda yadda...but what pisses me off is just a couple weeks before they had a status up about how they loved another guy they were dating.

Everytime i see them i just want to grab them by the shoulders and shout..."SHUT UP! YOUR NOT ACTUALLY IN LOVE WITH THIS GUY!"

Some people tell me that I'm an idiot someone could love someone that quick, that I'm just bitter cause I'm single...and then i just look and them and I think how is that being bitter? Apparently cause I'm not happy for them, that what they THINK they feel is love. But hey if you THINK its love...chances are its not....

Love is something you FEEL not THINK. Whats funny is....when i do tell people its not love they feel they laugh thinking i dont know shit...but then a week later they come back to me crying saying how I was right.

or what I've seen on facebook after the so called "love-birds" break up...

the guys posts statuses bout how they girl was a slut and doing him wrong or whatever but im just like dude shut the fuck up. 

ok enough of my babbling.

basically i find it ridiculous that in this day and age people say they love their bf/gf within the first week and not even actually mean it.

while i've said it to one guy and meant it and it took me a whole YEAR to say it...i think im still going to wait until i find the one i REALLY love...

and hope that you people do too.

Nothing is what is seems

 

Everyone has heard of the phrase "never judge a book by it's cover" honestly, this phrase is the best phrase ever created. I try my hardest to live off of this phrase, but hey even the shallow me wins at times.

But there is something else to it, you see someone, whether it's someone you know, or some random person, and you might think "oh hey that person must be happy I mean look at that smile." but honestly, that person can just be faking it. You don't know what's going on through peoples mind.

Lately, people have been telling me that I'm mean or a bitch or tough, but what they don't know is, that I have been bullied since I was a little girl, I used to show weakness, emotions when i was younger growing up. Now, I've learned not to, guys try to put me down by telling me I'm ugly? I just laugh it off, tell them ok thanks for the comment I'll take it into consideration and I'll get back to you. Honestly, that's all I can do anymore when someone tries to put me down, i laugh.


I got bullied growing up, and i got tough. There are people who got bullied, but they didn't find the strength. Many people have ended their lives because of it. Some people find it funny, but its not.

"According to statistics reported by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 kids stay home from school every day because of fear of bullying" Seriously? 160,000 kids have to suffer their education/life just because of someone being SO insecure they have to bring some innocent person down?

Questions to bullies: Does bullying someone REALLY make you feel better?

How many more people have to die because of this?
sometimes whats on the outside isnt whats inside, this is the truth